'Dark, dark spaces': Former top prospect Erceg battles back from depression

PHOENIX -- Lucas Erceg, the former Top 30 Brewers prospect in the midst of converting from infielder to two-way player to full-time pitcher in a last-ditch effort to make the Majors, still occasionally awakens in a dark frame of mind.

The 26-year-old decided to share his struggle with alcohol and depression, which was especially acute in 2020 after the Minor League season was cancelled amid the COVID-19 pandemic. Erceg concluded that being open is the best way to stay on a path to Milwaukee.

How open? In large, gold stitching on his baseball glove is the embroidering, “6/10/20.” That was the first date of Erceg’s sobriety.

“I’m talking about it proudly and I think before, I was in such denial and [had] such resentment about having those thoughts,” Erceg said Friday, on the eve of the first bullpen session of his first Spring Training as a full-time pitcher. “It drills you into dark, dark spaces.”

When did he decide to let others into those dark spaces?

“It was just one morning that I woke up and was like, ‘[Forget] this, dude. I’m going to make a stand right now and make sure that I’m healthy,” Erceg said. “For me. Not for anybody else, but for me.”

Erceg spoke of growing up in Campbell, Calif., just outside San Jose, with a mother who was an alcoholic and a father with whom he was never close. He didn’t get good grades in high school, but his ability to hit and pitch earned him a spot at college baseball powerhouse Cal Berkeley -- only to lose that spot because of his drinking and other trouble off the field.

So, Erceg went to play at tiny Menlo College for head baseball coach Jake McKinley, who now happens to be the Brewers’ vice president of player development. Erceg was the Oaks’ closer and third baseman, performing well enough to be the Brewers’ second-round Draft pick in 2016, which came with a $1.15 million signing bonus. Erceg quickly discovered, he said, that a million dollars buys a lot of lite beer.

“I’m 22 years old, right? I’m drinking five or six [beers] and going out the next day and going 2-for-3. I didn’t think it was [a problem],” he said. “I made it into a game: ‘If I have four tonight that means one hit tomorrow. So, if I have eight, that will be two hits.’ …

“My mom had issues with [alcohol], still does. I haven’t talked to her in the last three years because of it. I think a lot of that had to do with my resentment towards having an issue with it. So, what did I do about it? I drank more and said, ‘No, I don’t have an issue. I choose to do this because I’m my own man.’ It was just a lot of evil [stuff]. Evil.”

After a strong debut season in pro ball, Erceg’s career began to stall. In 2017, he hit .259 with a .731 OPS while playing mostly at the High-A level. He slipped to a .248 average and a .688 OPS in 2018 at Double-A and then .218 and .703 in 2019 at Triple-A. In 2020, with no affiliated Minor Leagues, Erceg batted .180 for the Sugar Land Lightning Sloths of the Independent Constellation Energy League.

He had a hard time with the uncertainty presented by the pandemic and the urge to fill idle days with trips to the convenience store around the corner from his Phoenix home. Erceg says he “buried” himself in alcohol and deepening depression.

He became determined to stop drinking. On his first day of being sober, Erceg said “everything looked brighter.” It was “so uplifting, so enlightening, that everything had a tint to it.”

He says he saw that effect when he looked at his fiancée, Emma. They announced their engagement last July and have talked about founding a program for athletes dealing with depression and suicidal ideation.

“I wake up at 5 or 5:30 every morning and I still sometimes have thoughts like that,” Erceg said. “I think it’s important to recognize those thoughts but to not let them affect you negatively. You just have to say, ‘Those are my thoughts today. Let’s ride with it.’”

In June 2021, Erceg marked one year sober alongside supportive teammates. He was back at Double-A Biloxi, this time working as a two-way player before eventually focusing exclusively on pitching. Erceg, whose strong arm always served him well at third base, has touched 99 mph on the radar gun and pitches with a four-seam fastball, a two-seam fastball, a changeup and a slider that needs work. He finished last year with a 5.29 ERA and 45 strikeouts in 47 2/3 innings at Biloxi.

“No matter what happens in his baseball career, I am just proud of him as a person,” said McKinley, the college coach who followed Erceg to the Brewers.

It was McKinley who, prior to 2021 Spring Training, had invited Erceg to Matt’s Big Breakfast in downtown Phoenix and presented the idea of adding pitching back to his repertoire. They spent hours together that day, but the pitching conversation lasted all of seven minutes, McKinley said.

Erceg was all for it.

"There's definitely some intriguing ingredients there,” McKinley said. “I'm stoked to see how he does, having more of a sole focus [on pitching]. I think it's tough to navigate two things. I’m curious to see how he does with the sole focus, and I trust he'll do really, really well.”

Said Erceg: “I’ve always thought of pitching as the backup plan; it was never really the reality. So, to have this actually be part of my resume or whatever you want to call it is beyond belief. … This game will humble you hard. Second-round pick and I’m still grinding. It’s obviously a great opportunity and I love every moment. There’s not so many second chances.”

In his locker at Biloxi last year, Erceg kept a cooler stocked with non-alcoholic beer. When he allowed one hit and no earned runs in five innings to earn his first professional victory on Aug. 20, he cracked one.

A cold beer never tasted so good.

“Some days I wake up and I go, ‘What am I even trying for?’” Erceg said. “But I’m not going to keep laying in bed and have those thoughts. I’m going to wake up and make a fresh pot of coffee. That right there already excites me and puts me in a more positive state. That’s why I think it’s so important to recognize those thoughts and not immediately bury them.

“At the end of the day, I’m healthy and I’m humming at 98 [mph], you know what I mean? That’s it. And I have a really good chance to make a lot of money. I can’t complain. I can’t.”