What will the next big baseball invention be?
The following is a transcript of a segment from this week's episode of the Cut4Cast podcast. To hear more of the Cut4 staff's weekly banterings about which position player is the best at pitching or how baseball would work in outer space, subscribe to the Cut4Cast by clicking here.
Ever since the first game of baseball was played, people have been applying all their ingenuity and intelligence to finding ways to improve it. After all, someone had to invent the glove. Someone imagined and created the very first catcher's mask. On the Cut4Cast this week, Dakota Gardner, Gemma Kaneko and Jessica Kleinschmidt tried to come up with their own baseball inventions.
Dakota Gardner: Our very own Chris Landers, [came up] with the 10 craziest baseball patents he could find ... If you go to MLB.com/Cut4, you can see the fruits of that labor in his post.
There are some weird ones there. There's like a cage ... that the catcher wears, and the ball hits it, then it closes. There was a robot umpire system. It's crazy; go check it out. There are diagrams if you're a nerd. It's fascinating. I'm a massive nerd and loved it. My question for the two of you: if you could invent something for baseball, either for fans, for the game, for the broadcast, what would be your invention? Jess?
Jessica Kleinschmidt: I don't know if this is [already] a thing, because I was like, this seems too obvious. This should actually be taking place. You know how when you're going to Alcatraz or something, you can pay to look through binoculars to see better? They're kind of gross because they're all covered in bird poop. But I feel like they should have those more often at games. You just put a dollar in, and you can actually see the stubble on
Gemma Kaneko: So you were inspired by prison.
Dakota: Prison and bird feces.
Jessica: Prison and bird poop, that's where my mind goes all the time. I kind of like that idea because I have really bad eyesight, so I just look like I'm angry all the time when really I'm just trying to see things. I feel bad because I'll be at the gym, and somebody will be walking by and be like, "Wow, Jess, are you OK?" And I'm like, "Yeah, I just can't see the TV, bro. That's all." And so I've got that one for the fans.
As far as the players [go], I always feel bad for the first-base coach, who has to hold all the gloves, all the elbow pads, and everything. So I feel like they should have a cubby hidden somewhere at first base or third base, where they get there and they can hide them in there, and somehow it miraculously winds up back in the dugout or stuff like that. I don't think it takes -- it does take some time out of the game, I don't mind that part, but I always have so much sympathy for the first-base coach, who is holding all this stuff. Like the person who can't ride the rides because they're holding all the purses for people. I feel really bad for that person. Something like that is what I came up with
Gemma: I like that. I like that it would be like a pneumatic tube system under the base or whatever. And then other stuff could come out, like a refill of Double Bubble, or whatever else you need.
Dakota: Yeah, sunflower seeds.
Jessica: Or an inspirational quote.
Dakota: There you go. That's great.
Gemma: Then we have a really great Cut4 moment, when like a bird gets stuck in there and then shoots out and flies into the air.
Dakota: The Cut4Cast today is about prison and birds dying in pneumatic tubes.
Gemma: It's not going to die. It's going to shoot out and fly away.
Jessica: The one that poops on the binoculars you paid a dollar for.
Gemma: It's not real. It's our imaginary world, so the bird lives, Dakota. The bird lives.
