Prepare for Opening Day with these haiku reviews of every MLB team's offseason moves
Spring Training is winding down and Opening Day is fast approaching. If you're the kind of fan who's mostly tuned out since October … welcome back.
It's been a long winter, and you may have missed some of the many wheelings and dealings. That's understandable, since there were hundreds of transactions and you probably have limited time on your hands.
To catch you up on all of MLB's updated 2016 rosters while respecting that limited time and also keeping things poetic, here are haiku summaries of everything you need to know heading into the new season:
Eppler makes a splash
Trades for Andrelton and Yunel
New year, new left side
Wanted a closer.
Got flamethrower
Productive winter.
Not as many moves
As we're used to Beane making.
Revere for Storen,
Estrada, Happ back again
Lineup remains nuts
Rebuild continues.
Newcomb, Blair,
We'll see them real soon.
Lots of little moves
David Stearns making his mark.
Just don't remind anyone
That Heyward is gone.
Zo back with Maddon
Heyward and Lackey from Cards
New lineup every day?
Kazmir, Maeda:
Can several decent starters
Replace one Greinke?
Zack Greinke. Zack. Zack Greinke.
Cueto, Samardzija,
Span too. Preparing for the
Even year magic.
Added veterans
Nasty rotation remains
Quietly improved
Way too many moves
To fit into a haiku
Does Dipoto sleep?
Biggest move might be
Their Home Run King hitting coach.
Also,
Walker in for Murph
Bartolo back, Yo returns
In a sweet new ride
Got Murphy, Revere,
And didn't trade
That's probably smart!
Brought back O'Day, Crush.
Brought in Trumbo, Gallardo.
And Fowler! Almost.
New faces again
Add Alexei, Jay and a
Crooked hat closer
Enter Matt Klentak.
First trade: Giles to Houston
For some nice prospects.
Swapped Walker for Niese.
Bye Pedro, hello Jaso
Freese til Kang is back
Top shortstop still free?
He can probably play left!
Hey,
Dealt a reliever
For high-upside outfielder
Rays still gonna Rays
New era begins
Frazier, Chapman now elsewhere
Young talent inbound
Out with Dickerson,
In with
Royals
Why fix what ain't broke?
Salvy extended.
Needed pitching help
So added Price and Kimbrel
Yeah, that'll do it
Upton, Zimmermann
No Dombrowski, no problem.
Cam Maybin returns!
Quiet offseason
Besides Korean slugger,
Byung-Ho Park. Dingers!
Lawrie, Avila,
And the Home Run Derby champ
Enter
Yankees
Warren for Starlin
Oh, and
Best bullpen ever?
Jordan Shusterman is a co-founder of Cespedes Family BBQ. You can follow him on Twitter at @CespedesBBQ.
