BOSTON -- Years before he emerged into an All-Star, Jarren Duran battled such severe depression that he attempted suicide, the outfielder revealed to Netflix in a docuseries about the 2024 Red Sox that is being released on Tuesday.
“The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox," is an eight-part docuseries with unprecedented access to a baseball team for a full season. All of the episodes will be available tomorrow.
Episode 4, titled “Still Alive," focuses on Duran’s chilling, poignant and courageous struggles with mental health while also examining his ascension to one of MLB’s most dynamic players.
Before Duran’s success came the on-field struggles of 2021 and ’22, which sent him spiraling off the field while he failed to live up to his expectations, not to mention those of the general public.
At one point, Duran reached a crossroads.
“I was already hearing it from fans,” Duran recalled to Netflix. “And what they said to me, [it was like], ‘I’ve told myself 10 times worse in the mirror.’ That was a really tough time for me. I didn’t even want to be here anymore ...”
Director Greg Whiteley then interjected: “When you say 'here,' you mean 'here' with the Red Sox or 'here' on planet Earth?”
Duran’s response was this: “Probably both. Yeah. Probably both. I got to a point where I was sitting in my room, I had my rifle and I had a bullet and I pulled the trigger and the gun clicked, but nothing happened. So, to this day, I think God just didn’t let me take my own life because I seriously don’t know why it didn’t go off.
“I took it as a sign of, ‘I might have to be here for a reason’, so that’s when I started to look myself in the mirror after the gun didn’t go off. I was like, ‘Do I want to be here or do I not want to be here?' That happened for a reason and obviously, you’re here for a reason so let’s be the way you want to be and play you want to play and live the way you want to live."
Red Sox President and CEO Sam Kennedy praised Duran for willingness to open up about such a troubling time.
"Jarren’s decision to share his story is an act of courage that reaches far beyond baseball,” Kennedy said in a statement. “By opening up, he’s showing others who may be struggling that they’re not alone and that asking for help isn’t just OK, it’s essential.
"Every member of this organization continues to stand with him. He has our deepest admiration, he’s always had our full support and we’re incredibly fortunate to have him as part of our team.”
In recent years, athletes across sports have become more open about mental health.
To that end, all 30 MLB clubs, as per the most recent basic agreement, are required to have a program available that deals with mental health.
Jon Coyles, the senior vice president of drug, health and safety programs for MLB, serves as the liaison to each club specialist in charge of the mental health program.
“Major League Baseball and its clubs prioritize the mental health of their players and whenever a player speaks out on the importance of taking care of your mental health, but also taking advantage of the mental health resources that our clubs provide to them, they should be commended for that,” said Coyles. “And we hope that other players will take advantage of these resources as well. “
The Red Sox are known to have one of the most thorough mental health programs in MLB.
A team spokesperson released the following information:
“The Red Sox have offered comprehensive behavioral health services for players and staff since 2015, including mental health screenings, crisis response protocols, educational programming, and access to both in-house care and trusted outside specialists. Support spans all seven Minor League affiliates and involves collaboration across medical, performance, and coaching staff to ensure care is available at every level. While using these resources is a personal choice, we’re committed to making sure players have the support they need, whenever and however they choose to engage with it.”
In recent years, Brian Johnson, Chris Martin and prospect Blaze Jordan are players in the Red Sox organization who publicly discussed mental health issues.
Duran first opened up about his mental health struggles in 2022, first discussing it in an interview with MassLive’s Chris Cotillo.
“It has been pretty hard,” Duran told MassLive in August of ’22. “I can’t talk about too much of it, but I’ve been pretty low this year. It has been a struggle to stay here [in the Majors]. I don’t really talk to my family about my low points because I’m so closed off to everybody.
“I’m kind of just tearing myself up internally and get pretty depressed and stuff like that. I find it hard to reach out to people because I don’t want to bother other people with my problems. I kind of just build it up inside myself, which obviously makes everything a lot worse.”
In ’23, Duran started the season at Triple-A, but reached his potential upon his return to the Majors early that season. He has been one of Boston’s key players since then.
Duran’s career took off in 2024, and he was named MVP of the All-Star Game. However, he was also involved in an unfortunate incident on Aug. 11 of last season when he uttered a homophobic slur to a heckling fan during his team’s 10-2 loss to the Astros that was picked up by camera audio. He received an unpaid suspension from the Red Sox for two games.
“I just wanted to kind of say that I've had some fans reach out to me and tell me that they're disappointed in me, and I just wanted to let them know that I'm sorry for my actions and I'm gonna work on being better for them,” Duran said the day he was served his suspension.
Duran continues to stay conscious about his mental health, keeping a daily journal. And there are reminders he takes to the field every day regarding his mental health.
“On [the tape on] my left wrist, I write, ‘[expletive] ‘em’, because it’s me telling my demons, ‘You’re not going to faze me’,” Duran told Netflix. “And on my right wrist, I write, ‘Still alive’ because I’m still here and I’m still fighting.”