SURPRISE, Ariz. -- For most of the Royals¡¯ 2015 championship season, right-hander Greg Holland¡¯s pain was virtually unbearable.

Holland¡¯s right elbow, its ulnar collateral ligament torn, throbbed constantly when he pitched, after he pitched and especially when he was trying to sleep at night.

¡°It was just hard to find a comfortable position to sleep,¡± Holland recalled recently. ¡°That was one of the hardest parts. It wasn¡¯t just pitching. It was trying to go to sleep. Plus there was all the anxiety and worry that went with it. It was pretty bad.¡±

Holland, now 34 and seemingly close to nailing down a roster spot this spring again with the Royals, is reflective as he looks back on the torment he experienced in 2015.

Holland decided to forgo Tommy John surgery earlier that season, pitched through the pain and did quite well for the most part, recording 32 saves. Eventually, though, in mid-September, it became obvious to everyone, including him, that he could no longer persevere.

Getting outs had become increasingly difficult, and his stuff was diminishing. After conversations with the trainers, coaching staff and front office members, Holland shut his season down. He had surgery in October. He watched the Royals¡¯ title run as a spectator.

¡°It was the weirdest feeling in the world to win a championship and be wearing a sling during it,¡± Holland said. ¡°Seeing Wade [Davis] get that last out -- I always envisioned me being that guy. It was a hard pill to swallow.¡±

? Royals set out to make strides this season

Holland first noticed something was off with his arm in September 2014.

¡°I had some issues in September and I took some time off, and that got me ready for the playoffs,¡± Holland said. ¡°At that point, I¡¯d already hurt myself, and I knew it. But there was so much adrenaline for the playoffs, it wasn¡¯t hard to pitch through it.¡±

And Holland was sensational in the postseason, recording seven saves and giving up just one run in 11 innings. His fastball still zipped in at 95 mph-plus, and his slider still had its unhittable bite.

Inside, Holland knew there was something wrong with his elbow. But he opted not to have an MRI. For one thing, Holland was going to enter his second year of salary arbitration that winter -- always a strong motivator to play through pain.

Still, by the time Holland got to spring camp in 2015, it began taking twice as long for him to get ready to pitch regularly. His velocity began dropping.

But the bulldog in Holland wouldn¡¯t let him stop competing.

¡°I wanted to be there for my teammates,¡± Holland said, ¡°just like they were always there for me. That was the atmosphere we had created with those teams.¡±

And Holland knew, after the Royals just missed winning it all in 2014, that the ¡¯15 team was primed to go all the way.

Red flags started popping up for Holland after the All-Star break, though. On Aug. 18 at Cincinnati, after Ben Zobrist homered off Aroldis Chapman to force extra innings, Holland was able to record his 27th save as the Royals won it 3-1 in 13 innings.

Warming up several times for a potential save situation that night, Holland believes, he significantly aggravated the UCL.

¡°I knew it wasn¡¯t good,¡± Holland said.

Holland pressed on. He got two more saves that month, but he could sense the end of his season was near. He finally approached the Royals about getting an MRI, which confirmed a UCL tear that almost surely occurred the previous September.

¡°I knew what the results were going to be,¡± Holland said. ¡°After that, the Royals basically told me, ¡®Here¡¯s what you should do, but if you want to keep pitching, you¡¯ve earned that right, and we¡¯re here for you.¡¯¡±

Holland kept going. He saved three more games in September before a fateful night at Detroit on Sept. 18, when he blew a save in an extra-inning loss to the Tigers. His velocity hung in the upper 80s. He knew it was over.

¡°Toward the end, it got to be too much,¡± he said. ¡°I guess part of me didn¡¯t want to admit what was wrong was actually wrong. I was fighting the inevitable. But we were so close the year before and we were good again in 2015, and I just wanted to hang with it.

¡°At the end of the day, if I had still been getting outs, I¡¯d have still been out there doing it. But it got to the point where we had to address the elephant in the room, and that was the idea that I wasn¡¯t pitching good enough to be pitching in the back end of a championship team.¡±

Holland met with pitching coach Dave Eiland, manager Ned Yost and general manager Dayton Moore, and the decision was made to end Holland¡¯s season.

¡°My performance got to the point where it was detrimental to our team,¡± Holland said. ¡°It was hard.¡±

Holland admits now if he had the chance to do it over again, he would.

¡°I wouldn¡¯t hesitate,¡± he said. ¡°I wanted to do it for the team, wanted to win a World Series championship. Hopefully, I helped.¡±

Yost said often after 2015 that Holland¡¯s performance that season was as courageous as he had seen from a pitcher.

¡°We don¡¯t get where we did that season without him,¡± Yost said in 2016.

And now, Holland is back for a reunion with the Royals, with a solid chance of making the 26-man roster. But any sentimental notions aren¡¯t even considered.

¡°My job is to make this team,¡± he said, ¡°and help us win.¡±